What I wish to Remember

Sitting by the window, clutching a hot water bag against my tummy, I feel drained and exhausted from the familiar grip of menstrual pain — a pain I endure every month with no escape.

Sweat gathers on my forehead as the ache deepens. My mind wanders to all the moments I’ve missed because of this relentless burden I’ve had to carry all my life. There is always space I must make for this pain — in my plans, in my choices, in my very existence. I never get a say in it.

Caught between self-pity and helplessness, I pray.
I sigh deeply… and somehow, the universe seems to listen.
Through the window drifts a gentle breeze — soft, tender, almost loving. It feels like nature’s way of sending me a quiet healing. Then comes another breeze… and another… each one matching the rhythm of my resistance, as if soothing me bit by bit.

With every compassionate swish of air, hope returns. I am reminded that there is more to life than this monthly suffering. My body relaxes. My mind unclenches. Peace settles in.

And in that moment, I realize: all I truly wish for is a life free from pain. Everything else in life can be changed, adjusted, worked through, earned, or healed — but this, this is the one thing I long to live without.

That is the lesson I want to remember every single day.

Discovering a better me...

Shwetha

Dear Mom...

For all the pain, hardwork and tensions u took all life, to grow us up and make us be the person we are...

You never gave yourself the luxury of taking life light. I used to wonder as a child,  why you were not a happy person.  Now I know, we gave you quite a tough time to  ensure your desires and wishes never met.

You held up your emotions just to ensure we turned out to be strong women.

I can only tell, you have done a fabulous job...

Now, as a mother, I understand,  how hard it would have been to be a strict,  stubborn and strong mother, just so that we learn to be sensible and strong..

Easy or hard way you made sure we turn out to be fine individuals.. 

Take a big bow to you. 😊

Sure you ll manage to hold back your tears this time also, like always.

Lots of love
Shwetha

Lockdown realizations !!

I am struggling to open my eyes. My hands are tied to something very strong and solid. I gather some strength and untie the rope around my hands and open my eyes in great despair. I see my three year old sitting beside me, playing with a cup. I realize that I am in an unknown place, kidnapped along with my little one.

The tv is loud in the hall. I walk to the other room to see a man asleep. I don't know him. Must be the kidnapper, I decide. I pick up a metal rod lying nearby and 'bang', hit him hard on his head. I tie him up with the rope. Unconscious he is. I am a little relieved. 

The house unlike in most the kidnapping stories, is bright and is on the ground floor. I rush to the front room where my son is playing and pick him up. He smiles at me unaware of all the chaos and trouble happening around. I smile back at him. My heart feels lighter now. The hall is all messed up. Plastic covers here and there and used utensils still on table. I clear them back to their places in a minute. Then I carry my lil one and open the front door. I stop to check if there is something else that I need to take...

Ahh! His doll toy, Alice is lying there. May be the kidnapper picked that along with us. Then again, I think and pick up biscuit packets from the kitchen in case my lil one gets hungry. I may have to go a distance. I don't have enough space in my hand now for everything. So I search for a bag. I got an empty back pack. I put my son down. I fill the bag with biscuits and toy, and then carry him back. I want to search for the remote to switch off the jarring tv.

I search it everywhere in the front hall, but cant see it anywhere. I peep into the other room, and the kidnapper is gaining little consciousness. Happy that I tied him up. I finally got the remote in the kitchen. I switch off the tv. Suddenly, there is so much quiet. I open the door. I think again. I don't want the kidnapper to chase me. I search for the lock and key of the door. I search near the key stand, tv shelf, kitchen, dining table, nowhere to be seen. I search for it in an open shelf in the front hall and there I got it. I picked it up. I was happy that my lil one was quiet all the while. Totally cooperating. Guess he knew that mummy is worried and something serious is happening. I stare once again at the room, it looks clean now. I go outside the house, close the door and lock the house and step out on the road. 

I walk and breathe some fresh air. Where am I, I think. Did I have my mobile with me...

'Amma, wake up' a voice says... I open my eyes with all my energy drained out. I felt so glad to see myself and my lil one lying on the bed, cozy and safe at 4 pm.  I smiled as though I was proud of what I did. Definitely bold of me to have thought of being capable to handle a kidnapping situation and escape from there, responsibly. It was a dream, I thought...
Ha ha ha...

But in a while I started to wonder what in the world made me so obsessed of cleaning the kidnapper's place and searching for unnecessary things. I realised, that's what I do all day... I struggle all day to keep things straight in my house. And I have a disease of clearing it immediately, even if i am tired. Else it's going to get all the more messy, doubling my work. The remotes and keys are like the things never in their actual places, in my house. My husband strives very hard to safeguard them from my lil one, because they just cant go missing. And that becomes a treasure hunt for me all day and sometimes night too. Now I know why the kidnapper house's tv remote and keys resembled the ones at my home. Clueless about the house though.

The ultimate part is that I searched for so many things in the house, but not my mobile. Guess, the heart declared that as unimportant compared to my child's food, toys and ofcourse the remote and keys.

I hope I get to sleep someday/night,  peacefully, having sweet dreams rather than actively participating in chores like cleaning, clearing and searching.

It's funny that all this, haunts my tired brain even in sleep. Even while sleeping, my brain sees to it that I don't miss out on the routine activities. Sure this must be many moms'  nightmare.

After all, I guess this is just part of being a mother.

Happy mother's day (May 10)
Cheers to motherhood !

Mother of Darsh
Shwetha

Andhi Maalai Neram...

Was listening to a new tamil film song "Andhi maalai neram"... A classical melody, sung by Sid Sriram... Still on...

Please listen to that song 'on a repeat mode', while reading this, so that you can relate to my writing. The music will do the wonder required 😊 And there is no necessity to follow the lyric☝.

I begin to write, just going by the flow...

Out of the blue, this song makes me feel like a child, running around, having nothing in mind but hope, love and good energy. Makes me feel like my entire family is around to take care of me. My home has the warmest roof in the world, made with love, protecting me from every harm. I have the best life.😃

Wandering around the house, helping thatha to pluck flowers for pooja; taking a bite of vadai from my paati's hand, in the middle of doing nothing; amma scolds at us for just fooling around and wasting time, appa asks 'class ku okkaruvela'. Giggling around, me and my sister walk through the staircase, to the first floor. We open our huge shelves, remove the usually worn good dresses for the class, wash our face, get ready, walk to the pooja room, murmur prayers fast and apply vibhuthi on our foreheads. Like good girls we are ready... 
'Go to the kitchen and have tea', amma says. 

Paati's tea is the best in the world. Her warmth is the best any child could get. I still can recollect the way she used to put her hands around me while lying down and tell stories,  starting with 'oru oorla oru...' and all Krishna stories. Blissful times... so many shlokas she taught me. It was with her, I went to watch a movie in a theatre for the first time. 'Ajoooba' film, and she wanted to show me how the big screen looks. Which paati could do that! Only mine 😎. I got scared though. She was the bravest when she held me tight, when I got scratched by a monkey on cheeks and legs. I was hardly six years then. She gave me all the first aid, before going to the doctor. I can still feel how much strength she gave me that day to believe that the pain will go. Her hand can make an ordinary curd rice taste like heaven. All cousins would sit in a curve, and show our palms. She would scoop a small ball of curd rice with her hand and place on our hands, one by one. Listening to stories, all of us would eat it showing no fuss and would actually enjoy the meal. She is the coolest paati in the world. Cracks the most witty humorous jokes, makes us laugh our heart over. God given gift to me, like no one has ever had. She built a lot of goodness in me. Sweetness and positive energy loaded, fills our home with so much fun and fills our heart with so much love. 

Thatha is all strength of the house. He is that pillar of the family, which stands strong, providing hope and strength to the entire family. He used to walk me in pram around as a baby. I used to call him 'my vahanam' since he always offered to carry me and I readily climbed his strong arms, as a baby of-course. He is the richest I thought, as a child, since he used to count so many coins from the thiruppugazh hundi. 😁 He is definitely the bravest, who could shew away a snake from our house garden or take care of a wounded parrot and treat his injury, even while the parrot bit him hard. He came like a superhero to me when I was  riding my cycle and got chased by a pet dog, in our lane. He shouted at the owner so bad that even the dog decided to keep quiet. He stood strong as a huge barrier to stop any harm entering the walls of his family. He assured me that he was always around to take care. It is his soulful prayers that has made me the human being I am. Believing in the existence of God outside us, within us, is all from him I learnt. Unconditional helping hands he has. He is a believer of 'service to community is service to God'. 😇 Live life meaningful is what I understand from him. 'Nothing can be achieved without faith in God and hardwork' is what he seeded in me.

I am blessed to have got such great souls, such simply beautiful human beings as my grandparents. Thatha has always been my role model. Paati has always been my inspiration. 

Even now, I love to be around them, sleep on my paati's lap, listen to thatha's success stories, paati naughtily pulling thatha's legs for the n'th time, for telling the same story again and again. We never get bored though. Every time his stories gives new hope, love and laugh and tears. And everytime, paati's words gives me new energy and joy.

They will always be my heroes, my music, my Gods. My parents gave me the good values, taught about the world and made me understand how to live; while 'What to live for?' that is something my paati thatha taught me.

Am in tears already.

Andhi maalai neram, aatrankarai oram, nila vandhadhe... nila vandhadhe... Though the meaning of the song has nohing to do with what I have written, still it kindled my sweet childhood memories. May be the music, the melody, the energy and the voice of Sid Sriram, all connected me to my thatha paati. The energy and warmth my paati spreads and a feel of security and boldness around thatha, bundled together into just music... 

Today, they have moved from our old home, to an apartments, for all good reasons. Old memories of the long wide garden and spaces, with our never ending rangolis during karthigai and Diwali; independent big house, lord Krishna statue above, adventures faced there, the beautiful sit-out, classes and functions done there, cycling practices, bursting diwali crackers, summer vacations with cousins, home plays as a kid with all crockery, books, terrace times, gardening times, dances we did there,  that spirituality spread in and around the house and what not... I may miss the house, but my 'home' is where my thatha paati are. These memories will go with them to the new house as they continue to spread love, happiness and good vibes.

 

With my little one!

Love you a lot thatha paati... You are my truest heroes !! 

Your Shwetha kutty/Shwetha kanna always.

The greatest magic of all... 'Motherhood'

Mother of a 22 months old I am.
A bundle of joy. A small packet of wonder. A little scoundrel in the making. A naughty little cutie pie. My dear little Krishna.
With the smile that charges my day, he is the reason I am happy everyday. He is the reason for my being. He makes me feel like I am the luckiest in the world.
Dear sweetypie... You make me feel like I am God's favorite child for having given me, YOU.

Though he has added a lot of adventure to everyday, he still makes me feel special. My nights have turned shorter and days have turned longer. He shouts like thunder in my ears and cries like rain in my eyes. Chews his food like there is all day to swallow it. Runs around like he has worn skates on feet. Every chore is a challenge with him. I find solution for the challenge and there he sets the challenge to the next level. I discover new levels of patience in me everyday. On the whole, life has turned crazy.

However, by all means, I am actually loving it every moment. :)

Sometimes I feel it's such a big responsibility on my shoulders. God has chosen me to have the pleasure of bringing up this child. I have the greatest gift of teaching him about the world, about life, about everything around. And hence, I better be doing only the right things, for he is watching me always. He watches me, copies me and learns most of my actions

A lot of questions I have to myself and to the Almighty. A lot to know on how to groom him into an independant, intelligent, bold gentleman with a healthy body and healthy mind. How to break things down to his level and teach him the right things. How to protect him from the wrongs and how to teach him to act righteous in this world. Will I be able to succeed in passing on the values and morals I have learned, to him.

I search into me for answers. I ask to the Lord to guide me the right way. All burdened and worried, I look back at my experiences in life and see if there are answers for any... None to clear my mind. None to give me a better idea. None to make me feel better.

Atlas, I look at my baby doll with a sigh of failure. Baby, I hope I am able to be the mother I want to be, what You will want me to be. I hope I prove right for God's decision of sending you to me.
And then like a storm of happiness and a lightening of clarity, you smile.
And I get answers for all. Like a swish of purity and a rain of divinity you washed away all my apprehensions. I lived a magic...

You smiled and that said 'chill ma, you don't need to worry about me. Come on I have you. What else do I need'.
Your soft hands touched me and it said 'You are thinking right ma, what's stopping you. Why fear when I am here?'
You kissed and hugged me and that gave me all the courage to lose the doubts about my capabilities. So many things conveyed without any words.

I knew then, that anytime in my life, I have any question concerning you, I just had to look at you, and you would give me the answer like a breeze, right on my face, without even realizing it and I would receive it without any effort.
There isn't a need to ask anybody. Answers are right there in front of me, wrapped in cuteness and coated with sweetness and cuddled in innocence.

Your belief in me, your love for me and your charm, together gives me the  necessary elements to bring out the bold, decisive, and confident mother in me.

That's a magic of God I realized.
May be every answer is there somewhere in my mind and it is just my own conscience clearing my thoughts. Still, its magic because I never knew I had it in me. May be, these are the magical powers that make a mom a 'Super Mom'.

There you are my little darling. I look forward to travel this journey with you, exploring, playing and enjoying it every moment. Just like you, every day is going to be a learning for me too.

Living the magical bond...
Shwetha (as Darsh's mother)

Moments and Memories

A memory is a vision where you relive a moment that has passed.

Capturing moments on camera has become everyone’s hobby. We fill our life with more and more memories so that, we get to live in them, in the future. But there is something I feel, we are missing. If we are going to keep building memories now and live in those memories later; then when are we going to live in present?

It’s something I gave a thought to. 

I went to a zoo. There was a chimpanzee sitting on a tree looking around and biting a fruit. Like a reflex action, I searched for my mobile in my bag to click a picture of it. I could try a selfie too if I am lucky, I thought. All I wanted was to capture it on a click and save it with me for always. My fingers were struggling to get on to the correct mode of camera and my body was pushing others, in competition to capture the over-hyped picturesque of a monkey eating a fruit. Now, let’s just press pause for a minute.

Let me take a look at myself… What am I going to do with a picture of a chimp biting a fruit? I can find it on the internet anytime, considering the fact that I am not an animal lover. If I am interested in gaining knowledge I can note the species name and read about the breed written on the hoarding kept there. The other side of my brain yells at me ‘Oh… who reads them, just click a picture of that too, and read it later.’ As far as I knew me, definitely I had no desire to know about it. ‘Forget it’ I say. Am I going to actually need a memory of a monkey from the zoo for the rest of my life? Is this why I am actually there? As a matter of fact, I am super scared of monkeys. I see people clicking a picture at every enclosure and actually not even seeing what’s inside the enclosure properly. So, only when they view their pictures in their camera later, they are going to feel like being at the zoo. Gosh, I definitely don’t want that to happen with me. 
Ok, now let's push the play button.  

I looked behind me and the whole idea of why I went there in the first place struck me. I just wanted to have a good evening and enjoy watching nature’s other creatures for a change.  I watched the trees around. They waved in unity. I listened to the birds chirping in their enclosures. And I finally watched with my naked eye the monkey doing catapults and jumps on the trees and playing with the other monkeys. I enjoyed the nature’s fresh breeze amidst all the trees. I smiled living a moment of picnic amidst all driving forces of life. I slided the camera back into the bag saying, if I want to make everything a memory I am going to miss many a moments. I gathered all the moments I wanted to take from the place. And then, I could afford to spend some time to take pictures also if I wanted to. But not the monkey... 

The picture in my mind of the place is definitely important to me than that on the camera, I realized. Watching directly felt more special of the moment than just watching behind the lens. 

I went to the light show here in Hyderabad. It’s the first laser show in India and is an amusement to all here. I felt so damned when I saw many tourists sitting behind the cameras taking video of it and missing the pleasure of watching the light dance in the waters with no disturbance in between. You missed to observe the music, you missed the story of Hyderabad which they say in between, you missed to understand the technology on which it stands famous. And all this only because you were busy looking at the space availability in your mobile, worried about whether you are taking the video straight, and you even sit quiet just not to disturb the video, etc. I thought, are they recording it to show to someone else? So your holiday was all about to make someone else aware about the place. Whether your visit was to bring happiness to you or to them? Or is it for posting on FB? If so, here is flash news, ‘Nobody else is more interested in you than yourself’. If you have not let yourself enjoy a moment of happiness by being at the place for once, you have missed it forever... With a few ‘wows’ and ‘oohs’ from your friends you get carried away feeling accomplished about a holiday spent. But poor you… you forgot to live for yourself. 

Your child takes his first steps and you are out there searching your camera to capture it and share it, that’s so gross. I understand its a moment to capture. But what's more important? Capturing the moment or witnessing your child's first move? On the other hand, your child is happiest to see you just right there, observing his accomplishment, and doesn’t wish you share the moment with everybody. He is doing that only for you. It’s your turn to feel the moment. Everything else can wait. You can click when he takes steps tomorrow. Those are his first steps too, after all he has been walking just for a day. :)

I am a person who believes in building sweet memories too and have nothing against clicking selfie or capturing moments on the camera. I do them often too. But just before you do that, I just wish everyone could learn to live for themselves and then think of capturing it considering its importance. Living at the moment brings more joy than living in memories. I bet, you live at the moment and you can be assured that you have captured a better memory, not on the camera’s but in yours.

In an attempt to live life in memories, do not forget to live life at the moment. A moment missed is gone forever. You may miss on the best happenings the world has got to offer you by focusing on making a non-valued memory.

Let yourself enjoy the little moments of pleasure life gives by being at the present; and to enjoy them later, capture only those moments on camera which will give you a happiness of a functional and real memory in the future.

Memories are sweet, but enjoying the moment is way too sweeter.

Shwetha

A day I relived

Sitting inside Barista, sipping a glass of cold mango milkshake, I sat there, opposite to a complete stranger. He was having a cup of hot cappuccino. Ah; it was the day I had to make my life's greatest decision. With some trust in my observation skills and more faith over God's will, I said a 'yes'. Five months later we were husband and wife. 

The childish me though fantasized the feel of love at first sight, the mature me always knew that love doesn't happen that way. Only when the bond remains strong and warm through the tough phases of life, you have found love. 

Through my journey over seven years, I have evolved as a better human being and a better individual. He made the difference in me. He has made me the person I always wanted to become but I never could. I realized then, that I had found love.

Our needs change, our desires take heights, our tensions widen, our views change, and one thing that shouldn't change is 'our togetherness' in everything, in every phase of life. The involvement of one in each other's interests makes a big difference. Starts with respect towards each other and ends in love. You buy a car or a dress, at the end of day all that matters is not where you have reached in life, what matters more is whether you really lived and relished the journey through it, with your partner. 

When I said a 'yes' to this total stranger, all I could see is that whether this person is genuine and for real?

Today I relive that day; with my sister sitting afar with a stranger making the biggest decision of her life. Me and my husband sat there, recollecting that day when we spent time together, for the first time. I prayed to the Lord, to guide my sister and help her understand the person to her best possible capacities and provide her with the strength and clear vision to make a decision. 

A flash of thought run in my mind. I looked at my husband and said, 'All that matters when you choose a partner is whether the person is a good human being and do you develop respect to him/her. And then after some days, the facts which made you decide to belong to each other is forgotten, and you just want something else.'

The thought sounded like just a fling in my brain, but sounded more intense when I uttered it. A moment made me understand love, again. It was like a feel of promise again. A promise to myself and a promise to him.

It's fine to forget things you had once given importance to. It's fine to feel lost from life sometimes. All you need to do is shake yourself and find all the lost impressions and memories and make it happen all over again. Do it for yourself, do it for your love.

Hundreds of things may not be in place, tens of your issues may remain unsolved and if you still manage to give a smile looking at your partner standing right there beside you, you know you have found love.

Through many ups and downs, fights and sobs, romance and fun, disasters and excitements, we have traveled together, relishing memories of past and building dreams for the future. What I am now, is a lot because of him.

Continuing my journey...
Shwetha

The ultimate personification of human life

I happened to watch a show of Brahmakumaris on TV on a Ganesh Chathurti day. Call it enlightenment or fascination, I felt more alive.

Ganesha; the first thing that comes to our mind is that he is God and he is a person with an elephant face, big belly and he rides on a mouse. But, there is so much more to know about him I learnt that day. I was so much fascinated by learning the facts and felt like how much ignorant I am or rather most of us are. There should definitely be 'n' number of things like this I am or have been ignorant about. But, at least I am happy, I got knowledge of one. Nothing pious and nothing hallowed, just the fundamental knowledge of life on earth.

This writing is an attempt I am giving myself, to make my understanding better; and also to gather all the scattered knowledge at one place. With the knowledge gained through watching the show and some data gathered from the virtual worldwide network and of course with the results I derived taking all this to my head and hoping to make sense, I go on…

A little story time to begin with...

Goddess Parvati became dirty when she was celebrating with Shiva. When she realized this, she removed the dirt from her body and created a boy out of it. She then asked him to keep guard while she bathed.

When Shiva returned, the boy did not recognize him and obstructed his passage. So Shiva chopped off the boy's head and entered.

Parvati was shocked when she saw this. She explained to Shiva that the boy was their son and pleaded with Shiva to save him at all costs.

Shiva then instructed his helpers to go and get the head of someone who was sleeping with their head pointing to the north. The helpers then got the head of an elephant, which Shiva affixed to the boy's torso and Ganesha was born!

Now this doesn't definitely mean that Parvati had dirt in her body. Parvati is the supreme form of energy; the energy which is within us and which drives us. Parvati is symbolic of that festive energy. Her becoming dirty signifies that celebration or life can easily become feverish and can take you away from your center. Dirt is symbolic of ignorance, and Shiva is symbolic of the Supreme Innocence, Peace and Knowledge.

So, when Ganesha obstructs the path of Shiva, this means that ignorance, which is an attribute of the head, does not recognize knowledge. Then, knowledge has to overcome ignorance. This is the symbolism behind Shiva chopping off the boy's head.

That’s how an ignorant turns into becoming the most knowledgeable.

Now, let’s visualize a Ganesha… Every part of Ganesha symbolizes a human aspect of life. Since he is greatest embodiment of all these aspects, by praying to him, those aspects within us are focused, kindled and energized.

Elephant face:

The principle qualities of the elephant are wisdom and effortlessness. The enormous head of the elephant signifies Wisdom and Knowledge.

Elephants don't walk around obstacles, neither are they stopped by them. They just remove them and walk ahead – signifying effortlessness.

So, when we worship Lord Ganesha as in the elephant face, these qualities within us are kindled and we take on these good qualities.

Meaning; we become more knowledgeable, and we learn to deal the good and bad times with equal strength and ease.

The big ears:

Big ears listen better. Ganesha passes this energy to you to feel more existing, real and progressive.

It helps you listen more clearly and attentively to others and to you.

The broken tusk:

One tusk broken symbolizes, that we need to have the ability to remove the bad within us and retain only the good. By praying to him, this energy of being able to differentiate between the good and bad and let the bad leave you, passes to you. May be I’ll look ugly if I remove a tooth, but if it’s going to be a bad tooth it has to be out of me, else, the bad is going to spread. And this logic is applied for everything. A bad nature, a bad notion, a bad deed… etc… We need to watch out from becoming worse from bad, and uproot the bad at the right time.

Trunk:

Trunk has a lot of efficiency and adaptability. Trunk can reach out to everything and knows what to do. So we can take it as, this energy passing we become more evolved like the trunk, and put ourselves to use the right way.

The big belly:

The big belly says he digests everything. We need to peacefully digest the good and bad in life, as if it is the same flavor. That’s a tough thing to do. But, it will be definitely cool if I am able to do so.

The mouse:

Mouse represents ego. However big a hill be, a mouse finds its way into it. Ego is something which we need to get in control and not let that control us. Ganesha sits on the mouse, controlling it. Praying to this energy, we may be able to control our ego to become a better person.

Axe:

It represents that we cut off materialistic bonds with the world. As a common man, it’s not possible to detach ourselves from our loved ones. May be, we can attempt to rise above and cut unnecessary materialistic bonding, things which bring just temporary pleasure, which may not be needed. For starters, may be, I can detach myself from oily food or getting new kurtis every month, or at least lessen the count. Let me check if I am able to allow Ganesha pass this energy.

Rope:

Rope represents to pull us nearer to reach the highest goal. That’s too much to expect from people like us. But if Ganesha can pass that energy we can at least get knowledge of what is the highest goal.

Lotus:

Lotus is a flower which grows in dirt. It knows to rise above it and be clean and beautiful. May be that’s how we need to be. World has everything, good and bad. We need to rise above by thought and action and become like a lotus. And Ganesha blesses you with that energy as well.

Sweets:

They are the fruits of your hard work. Ganesha receives it, but it is just left there. He doesn’t eat it. Meaning, we can enjoy the fruits we receive in life, but we should know not to take pride over it.

Leg positioning:

Ganesha has one leg fixed to the ground and the other leg on the heavens, shows the importance of both, physical and spiritual existence, and working within both; rising in life, with roots grounded.

We do a Ganesh visarjan after having Ganesha for ten days at home. We drown the ganesh idol in water. It dissolves. That makes the symbolism of life complete. We go finally back to where we came from. Ganesha has come from mother earth, goes back to mother earth.

All these can be just seen just as a story, or you can take a minute to realize the facts around you; visualize them; make an attempt to understand and give a thought about the connection between spirituality, science and you. Ganesha is an epitome of life. He is the personification of the ultimate human life.

More being spiritual person than religious, I am so fascinated by the knowledge of the connection I understand between Ganesha and our sheer existence. Normally too high minded theories don't enter my brain. I get no logical link of application to reality. But this was so much complete by itself.

One note I get clearly from Ganesha’s symbolism. As a common man, we are left with no option but to stay connected to the world, which is quiet enjoyable. But, during the journey of life, we need to take care that we are not moving away from what we are and what we want to be. And at that level, we may need to draw limits, not to yourself, but to the world and decide on what in the world plays role in your life. The more you are connected to the world, the less you are connected to yourself. And believe me; being connected to yourself is the greatest gift one can give oneself.

Ganesha is the same energy which is the reason for this universe. It is the energy from which everything manifests and into which everything will dissolve.

Sharing the revelation of my inner awareness, in my best possible expressions

Shwetha

A new day is a new episode

With every sunset, there is some person out there, trying to gulp a feel of thought like what a hectic day it was, or what a horrible day it was, I did nothing today, I forgot to do a job, my boss shouted at me, someone is being so mean, I planned to do something and ended up doing something else today, I wish I had done it that way, I broke my mom’s heart today, I fought with someone, I abused someone, I cried over a stupid thing, someone hurt me, I am feeling gloomy, I made a fool out of myself today, today is the day I wish to forget, I wasted a day, I did not learn anything today, it was just another day...

Now; there is something common about everyday and it is that, that, “there is hope every day”. Every sunrise comes with a new ray of hope. Hope, to make it a better day, hope to find a better you, hope which gives you peace of mind, hope which makes you feel more sensible. This hope can come in any form. It could be from doing a thing, or just looking at someone's smile, listening to a song that touched, a thought someone shared, vibes from being at a place or even from a person... It comes with lot of good energy and makes you believe in you for who you are. It gives you confidence to face things better, get a clearer picture of things, derive a conclusion, think of an out of the box solution for problems, convert the pressure inside you into perseverance, and gather all the hidden energy within you to face it and feel proud of it.

There is hope hiding out there, somewhere, some place safe, just for you to get a grip on it. It may be in the simplest of simple things. May be it was just beside you all the while. Feel it… hold it… and never ever lose hope.

Wishing myself a lot of hope

Shwetha

Tiny heads Huge brains

There are instances in life which takes away our breath by surprise. You may have to lose a moment of yours to think; before you react to it. These are moments we live only once. Every next time it is a different surprise to take your breath away.

I lose myself to such moments often. And these surprises come to me in small sizes. They surprise me, scare me, make me think deeper than the depth of my brain, sometimes confuses me and sometimes makes me doubtful of my own intellectual capacities.

Half my size and less than one-fifth my age, my bunch of wonder kids shock me with huge serious doubts daily. It's either doubts or the big concerns they have in life, as they see it as. The way they interpret the learning from the world, surprises me. How easily, effortlessly they learn things which actually I'd feel is hard for them to understand. Am not talking about addition or subtraction, here. Those would be things I'd dare feel is hard for a five year old, anymore.

I was teaching the concept of Living/Non-living things. Things which need air, which grows and which can move are called living things, I said. I gave examples 'me, you, birds, animals, trees...' Then I went on with non-living things, the same way. Once they understood the concept, I asked them to name some living things... Between all the regular answers, Sakshi, the curious one of the lot came out with the answer 'balloon'. I generally, don't say it's wrong instantly, just not to demotivate their range of thinking. So, I asked 'why do you say that'. She said "it needs air, it grows and it can move", so easily. I didn't have time to show a mouth drop to her. I strained my brain for a second and said 'It gets air only when we put air into it, forcefully. It doesn't take air on its own, hence it doesn't fall into that category'. She was convinced and I was happy and proud that I successfully answered to that wonder question and got a full mark from her.

We were practicing for annual day. Children were standing with their partners, a girl and a boy. Vineeta’s partner , Agastya was absent one day. She had the greatest tension that day. Whom will she dance with? She came to me running and said “my husband is absent today”. Hiding my laugh, I asked ‘who’? She said ‘Agastya’. I reacted “Oh, he is not your husband. He is your partner for dance”. She said with a sense of disbelief “yes right, my partner”. I was happy she learnt the word. I didn't want her to feel embarrassed using the word, but I wanted her to use the right word. I was worried if she is uncomfortable making a mistake, she is never going to be spontaneous with me. 

Shorter kids were in front and the tall ones were behind in the dance. We had paired two tall, chubby kids together. After two days of keeping quiet, Varshith, the tall chubby boy came to me and said, “I want thin girl”. It took a moment for me to understand what he was saying; because my mind was not aware of the tension the children are going through in their mind with their forcefully allotted partners. I said, “Varshith, you are tall, so is she, the other girls are short, the other girls won’t suit you. Thin girls wont be seen if they stand behind. And moreover she is the best dancer”, which was all actually the truth. Accepting it as the ultimate lesson, he stood proud there having the best partner, from the next day. Perhaps, he felt like he could do that sacrifice in human interest. I was relieved he is convinced.

Community helpers are people who help us, like doctor, teacher, carpenter, driver, etc, I went on. They were waiting to open their mouth to list their set of community helpers. Tanvi shouted 'spiderman'. Wow, I said "no Tanvi, he helps for sure, but he is a superhero and in cartoons only, he is not real. Have you seen him?" She said, 'No. But in cartoons, he is a community helper right?' What more could I say than 'yes'. I was glad, she understood the meaning of community helper better than I did, when I was her age.

Germination, the topic was. We thought we'll teach them practically. In paper cups, I made small holes, filled with mud and the made the kids sow seeds, in their individual cups. I made them sprinkle some water, daily. Kids were so excited to see the shoots develop. They felt happy that they have done something nice. Once the plants grew to a little height, I let the kids take it home and told them to take care of it. Sprinkle water daily and keep it out in the sun, I said. I forgot to mention, it will grow only to an extent of a plant as it is just moong dal seeds. A month later, Sakshi's mother came to me, dragging Sakshi along and said, 'Mam, please tell sakshi.. will that plant grow more in that paper cup? She is expecting a height of  a coconut tree' I had almost forgotten about it by then. I didn't know my words were considered like those from the Bagawad Geeta, by my kids. I looked at Sakshi. She wanted me to explain to her mother that she doesn't know anything about how nature works. I had to explain to Sakshi that it's just a plant and not a tree, and moreover, there is no space for the roots to grow inside, so it will be dead by now. She accepted it. Mother said 'she thinks, I know nothing. Only her teacher knows everything.' Oh My God! Was I responsible for that?

There is this boy Adithya, who tests my patience everyday. He doesn't like to sit in the class, forget about holding the pencil or listening to the class, and writing is out of question. Give him a page to write and he'll come out with n number of options for avoiding it. He'll say he wants to use the washroom urgently. He'll fix his pencil behind his ears and grab attention of other kids. He'll push his pencil into his bag silently and keep searching for it for the rest of the time. He'll cough so hard and pretend to be sick. He'll bargain with me 'Mam, I'll write one line and you let me out to play". He'll lose his eraser purposely and walk around the class, asking for one. My God, I was introduced to my level of patience, only through him. And the van driver will finally come to pick up all the children. I'd not allow Adithya to go, and finally he'll sit alone in class, cry and finish his work within 10 minutes. Next day he has forgotten the big story and is all set to test my patience again. Uffff... Bless me God.

My kids have the habit of bossing the rest of the school kids, as they are the elder kids in the school (Sr. KG). Every time they'll get scolded by a teacher. Shreyash pushed a Nursery class boy and he got a little hurt. He went home crying. Shreyash was not doing it for the first time and I had to stop him now. Next day, when Shreyash came, I called him aside and asked him,"did you push him yesterday?" And, as expected, he said 'No mam', with all possible innocence. I'm not going to take that. I told him, "That child's father called me and asked who did this; and I told your name. His father said, he'll talk to your father over the phone about it. And so, I have given your father's number." I was playing villain with a five year old. He started weeping and sobbing and said I won't do it again. Now, I knew he was not lying. Never seen him crying like that before. I told him to go and tell sorry to that child. He immediately did that. I held Shreyash close and told "Ok now, I'll call his father and tell that you'll not do it again. And I'll tell him not to call your father. Stop crying now." 
From that day, Shreyash never pushes a child. 
Well..., not exactly, that's too much to expect. Never pushes a Nursery child... 
No..., doesn't push that particular boy. 
At least I achieved that. 

Properties of water I was teaching and I knew some of the kids would love to try some experiments with water. Water turns into vapour while kept outside, in the sun. I told the kids, "keep a cup of water in your balcony for some days. It will evaporate soon, and your cup will be empty in a few days." Amish went home and immediately kept a cup of water. A month later, we had a parent teacher meeting. Amish's father came along with Amish. He said "My God, I am having a tough time with his experiments at home. He kept a big cup of water in our window for seeing how it evaporates. I forgot about it a few days before and threw it off. There was anyways very little water left in it. He literally shouted at me, for that. And made me keep another cup filled full with water. I should take care that I don't mess with it now, absentmindedly". I laughed and told him 'I am happy he takes these things seriously'. Amish was wondering 'why is mam laughing while she should be scolding papa for it'.

Children asked one day, about the scar on my face. I explained to them about how it happened. When I was their age, I was playing in our building compound. A monkey came from somewhere, all of a sudden. All the other kids ran away and I stood there still, in shock, not knowing what to do. It attacked me, and scratched on my leg and cheek. And that's the story of my scar, I finished. The only doubt I thought they would ask was 'didn't it pain?' or 'did you cry?'. But Sanjay asked 'why did you not run?' Oops...I thought, should I say 'I was brave?' No, that was definitely not the right answer. But it would be better for them to have an opinion of their teacher as being brave, than as unintelligent. Then I thought, they shouldn't end up doing something like that and call it bravery. So, I confessed 'yes I should have run. I was not as smart as you kids.' There Sanjay went on with his next 'why you were not smart then? Now you are smart na...' I freaked away and said the typical dialogue of a teacher 'Keep quiet. Take out your pencils'. I was happy at least, he is assured I am smart now. Oooo, what an escape. 

They have no shyness to come to me and say 'Mam, you look beautiful today' or 'your dress is nice'. They don't fake love to me. They wait to tell about how they spent their weekends to me, on Monday. When I take a leave, there wouldn't be one kid left in the class, who has not asked the other teachers, why I didn't come to school.

I can go, on and on with many such episodes, where I have been blown away, by these intelligent little ones. They make me feel proud. They make me feel special. Their ideas and theories are different, clean and clear.

They learn things so fast from everything around; from movies, from people, from friends, from parents, from games and above all from the teacher. The little things each one does in class, in so amusing and joyful. They give me a great work-out daily. They keep me busy mentally and physically. They make me come up to their level and understand the world as they see it. They smile for nobody else, but for themselves.

Cheers to all those little monsters in my class.
Shwetha